You're Not Al
by GenocidalLove
Summary: His neck was bleeding heavily, torn apart where his fingers were digging into the soft flesh. He continued to scrape his nails against his torn skin, muttering something incoherant. Al stared in horror. "Brother?"  Insane!Ed
1. You're Not Al

**Okay! So i decided to do a fic about FMA :D this is three years after Ed sacrificed himself to the gate. :D**

**enjoy! Ohes! and i do not own FMA!**

* * *

He blinked up at the light for several moments.

Huh? Where was this place? _What_ was this place?

He looked around, his eyes widening with every inch his head turned. The walls were white, but it was hard to tell. There were runs of rust everywhere, from the ceiling to the floo-wait. No, they were going from the floor to the ceiling. The lights swinging above him were a bright florescant blue, the creaking noise that shot from them was highly annoying.

He tried to reach up to move his hair from his face, but failed. He looked down to see himself covered in a white blanket, over which were leather straps on his wrists, legs, and chest, binding him to the bed.

His heart rate increased, and his breath sped to gasps. He was terrified now.

"GOD, NO! LET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE!" His screams were more like shreiks, and he felt his eyes grow damp. He struggled against the straps, his broken automail tearing into his shoulder. He grunted with pain.

"SOMEBODY!"

He was to the point where he was crying hysterically. And it worsened when a nurse walked in, rushing towards him, he struggled harder.

"Get away! Please! God, Don't TOUCH ME!" The nurse hesitated, but grabbed a large needle, and walked over.

"No... Please, god don't..." He cried harder, and just faintly heard the door open. "No... Stop... Go away... Please..."

"Brother!"

He felt a cool hand on his cheek, and flinched, crying harder.

"Brother? Brother! ...ED!"

The oldest Elric looked up at the younger, shaking. He found his voice. "...Al?"

Al smiled, and reached over again to his brother's face, but hesitated when his brother started shaking his head.

"No... Go away... You're not... Please go away... You're not Al..." He sobbed, struggling to get away, desperatley trying to edge the bed into a corner where he could cry.

"Go away... This is a trick... You're not Al... Al would never..."

"Brother..." Al looked at his brother with a hurt face. Ed looked back, and stopped, really looking.

"...Al... is it... Is it really you? Not a trick?"

Al walked forward to a still shaking Edward, and undid the straps, which, in itself, was a huge mistake.

Ed leapt up and pushed his 'brother' against a wall, a blade to his neck. The nurse gasped, and ran away terrified, leaving the brothers to work it out for themselves. Al watched his brother's face go from frightened to pissed and scary. Ed pressed the blade harder into Al's neck. "You're not Al... STOP SCREWING WITH ME!" He screamed.

Al flinched at his brother's words. They were coated with pain and mistrust. "Brother-

"STOP! JUST STOP! DON'T CALL ME THAT! YOU'RE NOT AL!" His brother sobbed, his grip losening. "Don't... you're not..." He backed away, shaking his head, and ran out of the room.

"BROTHER!" He ran out to catch him, but the hallway was empty, all except for a very confused and worried Mustang running down the hall toward him. "Al?"

"Colonel! Ed, he.. He freaked out and ran..." Al looked tired and hurt.

"What?" Colonel however... "Why would that little bastard run away! What the fuck is the matter with him!"

"I haven't a clue but..." He looked scared "If we don't find him soon, he's going to get hurt."

* * *

Ed ran down the street, the rain blinding him abit. He held onto his arm, which was falling apart. Pretty soon it would be gone.

He ran as fast as he could, panting, every step sending agonizing paint throughout his body. He couldn't take it, but he HAD to keep running. He HAD to get away from that place.

He ran and ran until finally collapsing in an alleyway. His blond locks fell into his face, and he vomited up the little food he had in his stomach, and then vomited more. He was exhausted, and whimpering, his throat was sore, and he couldn't stop heaving. Finally his leg gave out and he fell. Laying there in bile, blood, and dirt, and cried.

"Dammit... Dammit..." He sobbed through his teeth, his face in the dirt and... other liquids. "Al... I need you..."

He let out a long, defeated cry, pained and broken. "AL!" He let out blood curdling calls for his lost brother. "AL!" As the night went on, he cried until he passed out, tears mixed into his features with a terrible likeliness to that of a dying animal.

* * *

Several footsteps raced through the streets, each letting out similar cries of worry.

"Ed?"

"Where are you! ED!"

"Fullmetal!"

"ED!"

"...BROTHER!"

They ran everywhere, searching through everything. Still, though... Nothing.

Until...

"Colonel! Alphonse! Come quick!"

Havoc called from a narrow alley, staring into it with such a piteous expression. Al was there within seconds, his blond hair was running over his face. His eyes were wide with hope and fear. Colonel got there seconds later, and they went into the alley.

Al gasped, and it took all he had not to vomit or cry. There lay his brother, bleeding, passed out in his own bile, covered in dirt and tears.

"Ed..."

Roy stared at the young alchemist with sad eyes, and to the sides he saw Al run towards him with tears streaming past him.

"Brother!" Al shook unconcious boy, and Roy heard a small, weak murmer... "...Al..."

The sound seemed to break the trance of shock, and everyone rushed to help the poor boy. Ed struggled, before giving up. Tears ran down his face and Mustang faught not to gasp. Ed looked so defeated.

Said boy fell limp in his brother's and Roy's arms, mumbling things about something called a Nazi. Roy and Al exchanged a glance, then looked down, listening to the quiet dronings of Ed.

"It... hurts... Hey... do you... think..." He looked up at roy, his eyes closed in a weak smile. " Do you... think... I'll die... this time...? That would... be... really... great." Al looked away, not being able to listen anymore.

They stepped into the car, and Ed fell forward almost immediatley. Roy and Al caught him, but he remained limp. Everytime someone offered a lap, hed cringed away and crawl to a corner, mumbling softly about a little girl.

Al stared at his brother, crying silently. Why had his brother given so much for him? If it meant his brother would be well again, Al didn't mind being just a suit of armor... If it meant he could hear his brother's laugh, that's be fine. But now, His brother was huddled in a corner, covered in filth, crying in fear. He was shaking as well, and flinched at every movement. Just what had he endured for Al? What happened on the other side of that gate?

"...Al..." He looked over immediatley, it was the first time ed had spoken to someone besides himself.

"Yes, Brother?" He kneeled slowly on the floor, not wanting to scare him.

"Do you think... even if... you are a trick... could you... Hold me... For a while...?" Ed's eyes were wide and frightened, but they were also hurt. Al stiffled a cry and nodded, holding out his arms. His brother climbed into his embrace like he was the last solid thing left in the world. Al could feel him shaking uncontrolably, hearing a small whimper every so often. Roy and Al shared another look, then stared at the floor.

* * *

Ed clung to his brother's naked chest, still crying silently, though Al doubted he was aware. They were in the bath. Edward had refused to let go of his brother, and he had to get cleaned. So Al had gotten them both into the bath, and Roy was helping Al wash a shaking Ed.

"I'd never thought i'd see him without that gleam of confidence... without that stubborn look... without..." Roy stopped short, biting his lip. Al knew he was just as close to crying as he and the rest of them were. Ed wasn't Ed right now...

The blond repositioned himself against Al's chest, burying his face in the hollow of his shoulder. Al sighed and slowly washed the filth from his brother's hair. Ed was thinner, now that he thought about it. He was bony and hollow, like his eyes...

"Al." The adressed man looked up at a contemplative Roy. "Do you think... he'll ever get better?"

Al sighed, and looked down at the feeble 18 year old boy clinging desperatley to his chest. His blond hair flooded calmly around his shaking face.

"...Yes... I do. Ed's not the type to give up. This... This is just a speedbump... He'll get up in no time." Atleast, that's what Al kept telling himself.

* * *

Ed was curled up on the bed, covered only by a towl, his hair falling like a curtain around his face. He shivered, and kept mumbling for his brother.

"Al..."

"...Al..."

" ...Al..."

" ...Al... "

" ...Brother..."

He looked up, frantic after a while. "AL! BROTHER!" He had started to cry again when Al ran into the room, dressed only in black jeans and a pontytail. He ran over and hugged Ed, soothing him.

"It's okay, Ed, I'm still here..."

"...o... Yo...u... Pr...I..." Ed was quiet, Al didn't hear. "What?"

Ed tightened his grip. "Do you promise?" Al looked at him, hurt and pity being the main emotions, he hugged his brother tighter. "I promise..."

Roy chose right then to come in, stopping in the doorway when he saw the brothers. "Er..." Ed layed down in Al's lap, And Al motion over roy, his fingers running softly through his brother's hair.

"Have you decided what you want to do with him?" Roy was nervous, scared if Al didn't know him better.

"Yea... He stays with you and me..." Roy looked at Al like he was insane, and he only sighed. "Brother can only be with me right now... or maybe you.. i don't know, but either way, if we leave him alone, he'll get hurt. You heard how frantic he was after only being left for a few minutes..." Roy nodded, closing his eyes. "What... What do you think happened... in the gate?"

Ed flinched, and hid his eyes, curling up more.

"I don't know... " And that was the truth... Al didn't know.

Just then, Ed sat up, looking around.

"Ed?"

He looked at his brother, And smiled... His _Ed_ smile. "I need some pants, Al..." Al just looked at him, shocked, then slowly, he smiled to, and walked over to get some sweats. "Okay, brother... whatever you like..."

* * *

The two were walking down the halls of Central. Ed's hair was down in his face, and he wore only a pair of black pants and a a white t-shirt. He had covered his arm with a black jacket. He didn't look much like Ed, Walking through that hallway, holding his younger brother's sleeve. It took most two glances before gaping. Everyone stared at the two alchemist brothers, unbelieving.

"Ed?"

The blond looked up with a blank expression, looking around. "Huh?"

"ED!" The two boys were suddenly tackled. Ed let out a surprised yelp, and Al only sighed. Luitenant Hughes was hugging Ed furiously. "It's YOU! Ed! Oh my God! I thought...! We Thought! GAH!"

Ed looked a little more than confused, then smiled. "Luitenant... It's good to see you..." He had meant to sound happy, but his voice came out somewhat strangled. Hughes looked up. "Ed? Wha-

"Sorry Hughes! We have to go!" Al stood, and pulled Ed down the hallway. "Can't keep Mustang waiting!"

Ed let himself get dragged down the hallway, looking back over his shoulder at a waving Hughes.

Al knocked on a door once, then turned the knob and pushed. Ed expected something... different than what he saw.

"SURPRISE!"

* * *

**What do you think happened? :O Only Kami-sama knows! **


	2. Memories

**Sorry! Okay, so I'll be working my absolute hardest on getting this story finished by Christmas! Wish me LUCK!**

**And a super big thanks to Sathreal for giving me this idea! **

**This chapter will explain why ed's all... insane :D Oh! i don't own FMA**

**

* * *

**

"SURPRISE!"

Ed stared at everyone, beyond surprised.

There stood Havoc, Fuery, Mustang, Hawkeye, Hughes (Somehow) and the fuhrer.

"Wha... " Al looked just as shocked. So Fuery stepped forward, intending on explaining, when...

Ed burst out laughing, doubling over, holding his stomach. Everyone just stared at him while he fell to his knees and giggled.

"Ed?" "Brother?" "Fullmetal?" All three were confused.

He at last stopped his guffaws and grinned up at the room. "Thanks, guys, i need this!"

Al couldn't help but smile. His brother looked happy.

Ed giggled again (HAHA! Ed giggled!) and grabbed his brothers wrist, pulling him into a side-hug as he looked to Mustang expectantly. "Well..? What's all this?"

Roy smirked. "This is a welcome home party... It was sort of Riza's idea. I honestly hadn't thought of it..." He looked away blushing. Riza scoffed and looked at Ed, smiling. "It was him who got excited about it."

Ed smiled this time, not big, but still happy. It made Al feel... Nostalgic.

"Thanks..." He looked to his brother before letting go and walking over to a chair. He sat, and spread his hands with a smirk that said something along the lines of "Let it commence."

Everyone laughed, and most of them crouded around Ed, asking questions, comenting, just having fun chatting, while Roy and Al stood back smiling.

"He seems better..."

"Yea... he seems..."

Roy turned to Al, confused. "What do you mean?" Al just shook his head.

"He's still... I don't know, he doesn't seem like he's... _Ed _yet." He sighed. Ed had been distant, even though he wouldn't let Al leave him alone, he also wouldn't talk to him... It worried Al to no end.

"Give it a few days..."

Roy nodded, turning back to watch Havoc patting Ed's head, grinning. He couldn't hear what Havoc said, but Ed suddenly sprung up at the man.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RUNT SO SMALL HE CAN'T BE SEEN WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS!" Ed was huffing, while the rest of the room laughed.

* * *

It was later, way later. Like... That afternoon.

Al was fumbling through the cabinets in the kitchen, looking for something edible, while he had left his brother in the study.

_Yea, you're right, Colonel... He DOES _seem_ to be getting better... but i guess you don't realize... _

He pulled out two cans of soup from the top cabinet, setting it down to search for a can opener.

_I guess you don't realize yet... His smiles..._

"Ah... I found it." He walked back over, and opened the cans, pouring them into a pan on the heating stove.

_Are all fake..._

* * *

He carried the heavy trays down the hall as best he could, going slow so he wouldn't drop it. Al shifted the tray onto his left arm, and knocked on the door of the study. "Brother? Open the door."

Silence.

He knocked again. "Brother? Awe, c'mon, it's heavy!"

Still nothing.

He sighed, balanced the tray on his arm before reaching out and opening the door. His face was down, eyes on the tray as he walked in. "Hey, Ed. I made soup! I know you don't much care for it, but i thought since-

He dropped the tray, frozen.

Ed sat there, staring at the wall with wide, empty eyes. His expression was mangled into something between sadness and horror. He sat there on the floor, his knees to his chest, his left arm curled around them protectively. But what he was doing, made all choke on his breath.

His neck was bleeding heavily, torn apart where his fingers were digging into the soft flesh. He continued to scrape his nails against his torn skin, muttering something incoherant. It took a moment, but Al composed himself and shot forward. "Brother! What are you doing!" He grabbed Ed's wrist where he had been scraping the skin, and pulled him into a hug.

"..Al...?"

He pushed his brother away, still holding his shoulders. "What were you doing, brother?"

"There's this feeling..." Ed rasped, looking down. "Deep in my chest and throat. It hurts, and it won't go away... I thought... Yea, i can... I can dig it out! I can... make it go away! ..." He was smiling now, chuckling to himself. "I thought, if I dug it out.. It... It would stop... But it still hasn't... Stopped."

Ed's hands were tensed outward, but his fingers were curled inward, almost like claws. They shook as he laughed. They shook Al's hand where he held Ed's wrists. Said brother stared at him, horrified.

"Brother... Stop it..." Ed continued to laugh, his smile painful to see. Al never knew his brother to make that sound.

"Brother... please." The laughing continued as his neck bled.

"ED...!" There was a loud popping sound, Ed's head was turned away, his neck craned. His face was... well i could say it was far more than shocked. Al's right hand was curled over his left shoulder. He had slapped Ed.

Al's face was hard, and he was close to tears.

"I's sorry, Al... I shouldn't have said those things..."

"Ed... You need to tell me what happened... on the other side of the gate."

* * *

"Hmm... I remember a factory..." Ed was saying. Him and Al were in his room. While Al sat up against the headboard, the eldest took it upon himself to lay in his brother's lap. "Or was it a hospital? I remember it was really cold... But it burned... Like dry ice..." He fidgeted. "I had woken up strapped to a table, much like the one you had me strapped to," Al looked down, "with my mouth sewn shut." He reached up, rubbing the dots around his mouth. How had Al not noticed them? "It never hurt... as long as i didn't speak, or scream... But then again... I was always screaming."

Al looked down, his face tense. Ed smiled sadly.

"If you want me to stop..."

"No, that's alright... Keep going, Brother..."

He nodded, and looked away, seemingly trying to... remember? "There was a doctor, the one who tortured me..." Ed cringed. "...He looked frighteningly similar to Dr. Marcoh... He experimented on me. Every day he would inject this horrible gray liquid into my arm, and it woulds burn..." Ed looked lost, caught up in the memory. Al watched his face whirl through emotions, all bad.

"I don't know how long i was in there... after the first few months, i stopped keeping track of time... I was always thinking, though." Ed looked up, smiling. "The doctor... He had an assistant. His name was Alfons Heiderich..." Al's eyes widened, but he remained quiet, not wanting to interupt. "He looked exactly like you... in every minor way... Even the way he spoke was like you, only twisted..." The older Elric hadn't noticed he was crying yet. Al did though... The tears didn't suit his brother. "He helped him torture me... He would watch as I writhed on the bed and... no... That's not.. wait.."

He paused for a long moment, before closing his eyes. "I had gotten out of the straps... and he didn't try to stop me... He didn't signal anyone... He just let me go." He seemed contemplative, but just laughed. "I was on my way to Winry's place... yea... there was another Winry there... She was nice to me too..."

"Brother, please..."

"I'm sorry... I was running, and tripped. When i looked back to see what i was caught on, it was a black hand... from the gate." He looked up. "Al, I know you tried to bring me back... I know you tried transmutation..." Al looked down and away, refusing to cry, Ed's voice got louder. "What exactly were you thinking! After what we went through with mom-

"I wanted you back... I knew... somewhere... you were alive..." He smiled.

Ed sighed, and turned over, his face toward Alphonse's stomach. "The next thing i remember... Is waking up strapped to another bed. I thought i was back in that horrible place again. And when you were there... It only seemed to confirm it. But after that... In the alley... Your face, it..."

Ed smiled, but it was hollow. "I'm tired, Al... So tired."

"Do you want me to let you sleep?" He knew what his brother had meant, but wanted to keep pretending, even if for only a little while.

"Will you stay with me?"

"I did promise, didn't I?" Ed looked up, then smiled.

The two brother lay down in the bed, the sheets up to their shoulders. Ed's forhead pressed comfortably on his brother's, and while Al's face is calm, Ed's seems to warp into pain and fear as his nightmare sets in once more...

* * *

_I wake this morn, to growing light_

_Turning now, from endless night._

_On this, an eve of Gratitude_

_Weakened in my solitude._

_Why has the shephard come this day_

_To care for this unworthy stray?_

_Press unto him false hopes, and wims_

_Even now, when daylight's dim._

_Lead him on, but he is no fool_

_To doff thy shephard and all his rule._

_When waking to this growing light_

_Oh how i wish for endless night._

_To face embrace with desperate want_

_Only to be given naught._

_On this, the eve of gratitude_

_Be selfish of my solitude..._

_(And before you ask, yes, i DID write it, please don't steal it)_

* * *

Ed woke to the sounds of laughter coming from downstairs. After blinking a few times, he sat up, looking around as if that would tell him where the noise was coming from.

"Alphonse?"

He got up, and walked over to the door, donned in only a sheet. He walked out into the hallway, looked left, then headed right. _Who's here?_ Walking down the stairs, he let out a sudden yelp and ducked down. Colonel Mustang looked up from his conversation to the staircase, and the top of a blond head.

"Hey, Ed." He smiled, and Ed stood, rubbing the back of his neck. "Hey Colonel..." He smiled sheepishly and walked down the remaining stairs to stand in front of them. He didn't notice Colonel blush when he saw that Ed was barely covered. The sheet he wore started just above his... and showed most of his leg. Roy couldn't help but choke on his drink. The brothers looked at him questioningly, but he just waved it off.

"How're you feeling, Fullmetal?" The blond sighed. "Exceptional, you?" And a smirk. "I'm well."

"That's good."

"Isn't it just?"

"I wouldn't have said so if it wasn't."

"I don't know, Ed, you never do know with you."

"I'm going to chose to take that as a compliment, sir."

"Even if it isn't how i meant it?"

The two stared at eachother with all-too-innocent smiles. Al coughed.

"Right." Roy stood. "I just came by for a visit, to see how you two were doing. Now that i know everything's...fine... Ed what happened to your neck?" he was closer now, carressing the skin around the now-scabbing-over gouge in the side of Ed's neck. The skin around it was purple, it looked infected.

"Nothing Colonel..." He looked away. His face was distant now.

"Don't give me that crap, Edward!" Roy glared at Ed, pulling back his hand. "Don't expect me to believe that that," He pointed to Ed's neck, "Is NOTHING!" Ed looked at the floor, making Roy even more upset.

"What happened." Somehow, it was more of a demand than a question.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit, Ed."

"It was just... an accident."

"An accident?"

"Yea..."

"Edward..." Roy looked frusterated, confused... worried. He grabbed Ed's wrist and jerked him forward, their faces about an inch away. "There's dried blood caked under your fingernails..."

Ed looked, and sure enough... He jerked his hand away and just watched the ground. The colonel grabbed his jaw, and made him look into his eyes.

"What happened."

"Mustang... let him go please." Al stood, worried now. He stepped forward to help the situation, but Roy 'intervened'.

"TELL ME, DAMN IT!"

"IT WAS ME!" Ed shouted into his face. Three years can do alot to someone, and Ed towered over Mustang as he yelled, causing him to step back. "I DID IT! I..." His breath was heavy. "I..." He reached up, covering the wound. "I... I don't know why i did... It... It hurt... All i wanted was for it to stop...

Roy stared. Al spoke up.

"Come on, Brother, let's get you washed up... Colonel, i think it's best you leave." He didn't say it rudely... Al was as polite as ever when he turned from the alchemist and told him to go away, leading his brother up the stairs."

* * *

**Okay, im sorry its short.**

**And before anyone says ANYTHING about it, I promise, I wrote that poem. Please don't use it unless i say it's okay? pff, all you have to go is ask, and i'll most likley be all "Ohh, pff, yes, more ppl would see it if it wasn't in a crappy story such as mine :D"**

**Wow, alright! so that was chappy 2! have fun waiting for the next one**

**God, okay, you guys, please**

**please**

**review? i keep thinking my story sucks ass and that im not good at writing . (which im convinced im not) so please! desperation forces me to beg!**


	3. Dealing With It

**Chapter 3! and thankyou, kind reviewers! i needed that. and again, thankyou Sathreal for dealing with me! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ed was silent as he wrapped his neck with bandages.

He sat on the edge of the tub, still nude, tending to his neck as he stared at the floor. Al had gone to get him some tea and pants. Colonel had just left, but why had he been here? Oh, right. He said it was because he was worried, but for all Ed knew, he could've wanted them to investigate something, or travel somewhere... Ed missed traveling...

"Brother." Ed's head snapped up and away from his thoughts as a smiling Al walked toward him, tray in hands. Where were his pants?

"Here, i hope it's hot enough." Ed nodded with a smile, and took a sip. He almost dropped the cup, his tongue was burning.

"Al!" He rasped, fanning his outstretched tongue with his hands.

"What?" He had already drank half of his. Ed looked at him incrediously.

"It burned!" He whined, poking his tongue, as if to make sure it still worked. "Why was it that hot?"

"I hadn't known it was..." Al stared at the tea curiously. Ed just scoffed and continued with the bandages. Al sighed when Ed yelped. He poked himself with a pin.

"Here, let me." Ed turned to him and gave his brother the pin. Carefully, he pinned the bandage in place and smiled, his hand lingering on Ed's shoulder. Ed smiled back.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Was it?"

Al looked over to Ed, who seemed confused. "What do you mean, Ed?" The eldest sighed and turned away to stare at the ground.

"Nothing."

* * *

_Burning._

_He was burning._

_He stared overhead as a man observed, a look of contemplation clear on his face._

_God it hurt._

_'Make it stop, Al.'_

_'Al?'_

_'Please...'_

_'I need you.'_

_' Al...'_

_He screamed._

_Fuck, it burned._

_He struggled, and screamed louder._

_'Al!'_

_'Get__ me out of this place!'_

_He heard the man laugh._

_Was this funny?_

_'Please... Al...'_

_It was getting dark._

_He couldn't hang on._

_"Ed!"_

_What a pretty voice..._

_"Ed!"_

_Who was..._

"ED!"

* * *

He shot out of bed, gasping for air. His face was covered in sweat and the last remnants of his tears.

Oh.

It had been a dream, just a dream. shaking, he started to cry again.

"Brother?" He looked over to see Al, staring at him worredly.

He fell into his startled brothers arms and sobbed. Al hesitated, but wrapped his arms around him and held him closer. "Ed... What happened?"

He seemed to force the words between each sob. "I.. I was back there! In that horrible place! I could feel it! It hurt so bad... He was there! He was laughing! God, it hurt..." He continued to cry. Al held him, looking down sadly. _Oh, Ed..._

"Al..."

He looked back up to see Ed staring at him with wide golden eyes, fixed into such a horrible sadness. "yes?"

"I'm sorry for waking you..."

* * *

_Why Ed?_

Al was in the kitchen, watching a T.V dinner spin in the microwave. He couldn't sleep.

_Why do you have to suffer alone?_

He sighed, and managed to jump when it beeped, saying his food was ready.

_Why won't you talk to me...?_

Peeling back the plastic film, he grabbed it and sat down at the table, poking at it with his fork.

_I would listen... I want to know..._

Al managed to eat most of the steak, but, much to his frustration, he just threw it away.

_What exactly did they do..._

He headed back upstairs and went quietly into his room. There he found Edward crying in his sleep once more.

_To break you so completely..._

* * *

Al was walking slowly up the stairs, when he spotted Ed, at the top, crying. His eyes were unfocused, and it looked liked he was.. still... dreaming...

"Ed?"

He gasped, and stepped back. Al stepped forward, confused, but Ed stumbled backward. "Stay away..."

Al's brow furrowed. He stepped forward once more, reaching for his brother, who shuttered, and whimpered, running into a wall behind him.

"I said STAY AWAY!" He huddled at the wall, shaking harder, sobbing. "Ed..." AL said softly.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He cried, opening his eyse. They didn't look like they... were there.

Al watched for a moment while his brother sobbed, then looked back and forth between Al, the stairs, the door, and again Al. The youngest gulped. _Shit..._

He bolted for the door. Al tried reaching out and grabbing him, but he was fast and ducked under his arm. "ED!"

He ran out the door, into the rain, and Al ran after him.

"Brother!" He ran as fast as he could, but he wasn't as fast as Ed...

"Brother! Please!" HE couldn't keep up, Ed was leaving him.

_I'm losing him..._

"Ed! Wait up!"

_Stop, Ed... Don't leave..._

Why wasn't he yelling back? He was just blindly headed into the rain, toward the cli-

SHIT!

Al ran faster, his chest hurting. No... Ed wouldn't, he wouldn't leave his little brother, after everything... no... he wouldn't...

Would he?

Al reaches out, just inches away from his brother, who's inches from the cliff. He reached, and Ed tripped. With a jolt, Al triped over his brother and scrambled around to pull him into his arms.

"Let GO! Lemme go, i hate this, i HATE it here! I want to die! Let me GO!" he sobbed. Al was crying too. His brother wanted to die... His only family... would leave him. Much to Ed's distaste, Al pulled him close and cried into his shoulder. Ed was shocked.

"Ed... Why would you leave? ...Do you hate me? Am i doing something wrong?" Al cried, while his brother was still as only the dead and insane can be.

"I'm sorry, I'll try to take care of you better... I'll try not to fail you again... I'm sorry that it's my fault this happened to you... I'm sorry-

"You dummy..." Al looked up, and Ed was smiling and crying, holding onto his brother. "It's not you're fault. Don't ever believe it is. I did this to myself because i wanted you to be happy..." He chuckled, it was a pitiful sound. "You've helped me enough, Al... but i want to go..."

Al stared in horror, and sobbed louder. "Ed you can't leave me... I don't want to be alone... I've lost mom, and I've lost you once before!" Ed looked down. "I don't think I'd survive it again! Please, Brother!" He was wailing now, clinging to his brother.

"Al-

"NO, DAMN IT! You can't die! You can't leave me again! I'll follow you if you go! i won't... I can't..." He just cried...

And cried...

And cried...

And Ed stared, crying himself...

And they clung to each other.

* * *

**That there is chapter 3! thanks alot for the reviews you guys! i needed that...**

**Anyway! please review again lol for the sake of my sanity...**

**i mean c'mon, i dnt want to end up like ed...**

**Sorry it took so longs xD until next time!**


	4. Paranoid

**OMYGOSH! that took forever to write! mainly because this chapter was written by not only ME! But my gay man lover (wut?) Curse of Forever ! She helped me ALOT and wrote two parts of this story! And another major thanks to any and all reviewers :3 **

**I hope you like it, and if you don't... then... er... im sorry D: ! REVIEW!**

* * *

_As I was walking up the stairs_

_I saw a man who wasn't there_

_He wasn't there again today_

_Oh, how I wish he'd go away..._

They sat there in the rain, saying nothing, held as close as they could manage. Ed's face rested in the hollow of Al's neck, and Al just clutched his brother like he was the last thing left in the world.

"Brother..."

"Don't Al..."

"But brother..."

"Please don't... I don't care about the rain, just don't leave me by myself..." Ed wasn't crying anymore, he just stared at the ground, not really seeing anything. They'd been like that all night, with Ed in Al's lap, and Al in the mud. It'd be morning soon, and the colonel would come check on them. What would he say if he found them like this?

Was that important, even?

"Brother..." Al waited for him to object, but nothing came, so he pulled Ed to his feet and they started walking back towards their house. Ed dragged on lazily, eyes never wavering from the soft muddy ground. He had tried to kill himself last night, but Al had stopped him... Al had... saved him? Who knows...

"Al... Why did you stop me...?" Ed's voice was flat, but broke on the last word. Did he really not know?

"Your my brother, Ed," Al turned him around, so they were facing eachother. Their noses almost touched. "I love you. I would never let anything happen to you." Ed nodded, seeming to think over whether or not to believe him. Al's face scrunched up with pain for a moment, before he lifted Ed's chin and kissed him lightly on his lips. "I do love you, Ed..." He did, he really did. His brother was all he had left after their mom died. Ed was like the sun to him. Ed always knew what to do, where to take them... Al didn't want that to end. "If you ever went away... I would lose it..."

"Al..."

"Don't, Ed..."

"But AL..."

"Please don't..."

At that they walked quietly to the house, Ed clinging to Al's sleeve. _I'm sorry... Al..._ Why couldn't he say it to his face? Why couldn't Ed tell him he was sorry. He wanted to die... He wanted to forget everything and stop the pain, but if that meant hurting Al...

He couldn't, because he loved Al too... so he would stay here, with his brother, even if only for a little while longer.

* * *

The Colonel walked through the drizzling rain and towards the front door of the Elric residence. God he hated rain, it made him feel useless... He knocked on the door. There was no answer. Mustang frowned. It was too early for the boys to have gone any where, and they were expecting him, they should be up.

He tried the doorknob and frowned when he found it unlocked. The Elrics were cautious people, what reason would they have for the door to be unlocked?

Roy stepped lightly into the house.

"Boys?" He called out and his voice ringing through the house. There was no answer. He walked carefully into the living room to find Al sprawled out atop the couch.

He was soaking wet, his hair and clothes plastered to his body. The bags under his eyes stopped the Colonel from waking him. The damp spot on the couch next to him told him that Ed had been there too, but the lack of short alchemist told him he had left the room.

Then he heard a creak from upstairs.

"Ed?" He called out uncertainly. Silence was his reply. Mustang moved to the stairs, slowly ascending. "Fullmetal? Are you up here?" Another creak sounded through the silent house. He quickened his pace. Who knew what Ed could be getting himself into when not under the watchful eye of is brother?

He stood in front of Edwards room, where the creaking was coming from. With his hand on the doorknob, Roy was almost afraid to see what Ed was up to.

The noise stopped and Mustang flung the door open.

Edward was standing stock still in the center of the room. He too was drenched. The damp clothing made him look even thinner than normal. The dark rings under his eyes only seemed to accent the alarming pallor of his skin. The poor kid just looked sick.

"Edward?" The Colonel asked carefully after several more minuets of silence. His head snapped in his direction. He blinked once before he began pacing around the room.

Roy just watched in confusion. Ed would stop, tilt his head to the side, as if he was listening to something hard to hear, then he would resume pacing again, a little quicker.

"Hey," he said, grabbing the boys arm after he halted his stride for the sixth time. "Your tired Ed, why don't you get some sleep?"

Ed turned his head, his auric eyes boring into Mustang's onyx ones. "I can't sleep." He stated dully.

"Why not?" He asked as he gently steered the blonde to his bed.

Ed's next words made his blood run cold. "He watches me."

He fought to keep his voice even, for the sake of boy in front of him as well as his own. "Who watches you?"

It was as if he hadn't even heard him. "He watches me while I sleep. He wants me to go back but I'll never do that. I'll never go back there ... He follows me. I can hear the footsteps. They follow me as I walk. I can hear them, just a step off from mine. He's always watching. Sometimes I can hear him breathing too... other times... he whispers to me..."

Mustang felt sick. "Who Ed? Whose following you?" But he didn't answer. His eyes slid closed and it was a moment before Roy realized the kid had fallen asleep. He quietly left the house, deciding all was as well as could be, contemplated the horrific things Ed had confided in him. He had intended to walk all the way home, but felt his blood freeze when thunder sounded, and a scream ripped it's way from the house at his back.

* * *

_Ed..._

He whimpered, shaking his head, his fist balled up in his soft wet hair.

_Ed... I need you..._

"Go away... You're not here..." He choked out a sob, pulling his knees to his chest as he rocked back and forth. The voice grew louder, making him whimper.

_I am real, Ed... I'm here, with you..._

"NO!" He screamed, slamming his fist into the wall. "You're GONE! I left you when I left that place!" The voice grew louder and louder, taunting him. Ed just screamed at it, telling it to go away. It's breathing was ragged and hurt his ears. Damn voice... Al had heard Ed from the living room, and ran upstairs, bursting into the room to find Ed slamming his forehead into the wall, repeating over and over. "Get out... Get out... Get out... Get out..."

"Brother! What are you doing!" He ran to Ed, pulling him away. When he struggled, Al just pinned him against the floor, sitting on his stomach.

"He's here, Al. I hear him, telling me i need him. He's following me, taunting me... it's too much..." His eyes were wide, staring at something that wasn't there. His breath was forced, and Al could tell it was fleeting.

Ed started shaking his head, crying. "No..." He screamed, pulling away from his brother and stumbling over to the closet, trying desperatley to get the door open.

"Ed! What are you doing! There's no one-

He was cut off as thunder sounded and his brother fell to the ground, screaming as he covered his ears. The sound he made was agonizing. Al made his way over to his brother and picked him up, cradling him. "Sh, Ed... It's okay... You're safe now." He had tried to say, but before he could even breathe his brother's name, another scream ripped it's way from his throat, burning Al's ears. "ED!" As soon as the name left his lips, the door burst open, and Roy stormed into the room.

"What happened?" He commanded, but Al just shook his head. "I think we broke him, sir..."

Roy looked down at the screaming Ed, then back up at Al. "You need to make him stop! Calm him down, Al, I'm calling the parame-

"NO! My brother will NOT go to a hospital!" Al shook his head, stuttering now. "T-there's n-n-nothing wro-wrong with m-my b-brother... n-nothing..." He pulled him into a hug. "Ed, stop it..." Nothing... He still screamed. Alright then...

"ED!" Al screamed, his brother looking up for a breif moment, before Al came down and kissed him. Ed's eyes widened as he tried to understand, but Al just kissed harder, Desperate to get a reaction. Soon, Ed conceeded, kissing back, crying. Roy watched, open-mouthed, as the two brothers kissed. What the hell?

They kissed only for a few seconds, but it seemed like hours to them. They didn't explore, or even lick. They just pressed themselves together with such care it was blinding.

They came apart with a soft smack, only for them to embrace seconds later, crying.

"Al... Ed..." Roy looked at them, so confused. Had they just... kissed? Had they... The BROTHERS... just.. Made-out?

No...

It wasn't like that. Unbeknownst to the colonel, there was nothing romantic about it. Their 'kiss' was just something to hold them together. Nothing sexual, just loving...

"I do love you, Ed... So please don't scare me like that..."

"I'm sorry." was all Ed could say before drifting to sleep in his brother's arms.

* * *

Al and Roy shuffled through the drawers in Ed's room, looking for something, anything, that might give them something. More specifically, Al was looking for his journal.

"Finally!" The brother exclaimed, making Roy jump. He sat back on the bed and aimlessly sifted through the dirty notebook. Roy sat beside him, and stopped at one page, curious.

"I didn't know Ed wrote poetry..."

"He never has..."

_This damp smell flushed with sweat and blood crawls up my nose and burns my eyes._

_Strangely though, that's not why I'm crying._

_The foulness of the air in this crowded street just contributes to my discomfort._

_The origin?_

_This unbearable pain that forces me down is intoxicating, but i have no idea why it's chosen now, of all times, to surface._

_Whatever the cause, i feel as though my chest is breaking... or broken already._

_Pieces of my broken self dig into my lungs, is that why i can't breathe?_

_With my eyes swollen shut from beatings, i let my torn heart lead me._

_Unfortunatley, it leads me to that place..._

_He who is sin reaches for my hand in mock comfort,_

_am i too blind to see it is fake?_

_Yes, i haven't yet learned to run._

_So i trust it with all of myself, pleading for a way out._

_and i get one._

_This blade of words cuts deep, rusting, tearing me apart._

_While i scream, they laugh, but it only lasts for moments._

_I hope they're satisfied..._

_This is the last time they murder me._

"Dear Gods... Ed..." Al slammed the notebook shut and threw it away, backing out of the room. "Brother..."

* * *

Al couldn't believe what he'd seen. Did his brother really feel that way? He felt like he had to find him, to hold him, to let him know things would be okay. He thundered down the stairs.

The rain was pouring down in torrents, and it only proceeded to make Al all the more anxious.

"Al, calm down," Mustang said, close behind him. "I'm sure there's a logical explanation for what your brother wrote."

"No!" The Colonel was taken aback by this. The younger Elric was normally calm and placid, he'd never seen Al this upset. "Those people on the other side messed him up! They did something to him! I don't know what's wrong and I can't help him! I-I just want my brother back." The last sentence was barely more than a whisper. "You may not understand, but I have to go find him," with that Alphonse spun around and continued down the stairs. Mustang followed, stunned into silence by Al's little speech.

"Oh no," they were standing in front of the open back door, the rain obscuring the yard. "He could be anywhere!" Al said clutching his head. "In his state, who knew what could happen!"

"Alphonse! Calm down! Whose to say he's not just sitting out there? Let's just go look, okay?" The young blond nodded, stepping out into the cool rain.

It didn't take long to find Ed, though they couldn't say he was in the best condition. He was digging frantically in the soft mud.

"Ed?" Al asked, stepping forward. "What are you doing?" His brother turned to look at him. There were tears running down his face, mixing freely with the rain water.

"H-h-he said, he said," Ed choked out. Al ran up and hugged him.

"What are you talking about Ed?" He asked as Edward sobbed into his shoulder.

"I-I have to keep digging, I have to find it! He said i-if I found it, he would go away! He would leave me alone and stop trying to take me back. I-I can't go back Al, I can't. I can't take more of that hell. I have to find it, he was probably lying, but it's worth a shot right? If it makes him go away? He's gonna take me away Al, I don't wanna go! He'll take me bit by bit 'till I'm all gone!"

"What are you talking about brother? What's going on?"

"Please Al, I don't wanna remember, please don't make me!" He sobbed. Al rubbed soothing circles on his back.

"Alphonse," Roy said, pale from the words Edward had said. "I really think we should take him to a hospital."

"No!" It was more of a shriek than a shout. Al hugged Ed tighter to himself. "Please, don't you remember last time he was there? They can't help him."

"Al," Mustang said gently. "I'm not sure any one can." Tears brimmed and spilled over Al's eyes.

"No," It was much gentler this time. "We can help him. We can fix him and he'll be the same as before." Al sniffed. Mustang could feel his heart breaking for the two boys who kept loosing so much. Fate just seemed to pick on them, twisting their lives into a horrible mess. Most people never experienced as much pain in their lives as these two boys had experienced in the short span of a few years. He didn't know what to do to help them.

And now they were both soaked through again, and muddy. He knelt down and put a hand on Al's shoulder, giving him a comforting smile when he turned his tear streaked face towards him. "Let's go inside."

* * *

Al and Roy were standing outside of the bathroom while Ed cleaned himself up. Sure, he was well enough to bathe himself, but Al couldn't get over the uneasy feeling that he might try something... like drowning himself.

"I'd better get home, Al, i have work tomorrow..." Roy said quietly. Al just nodded and looked away as Roy trotted down the stairs to leave. He just stood there, waiting for his brother to finish.

And there he was, sauntering out of the bathroom in only a towel. His hair stuck to his face and made him look all the more helpless. Al took hold of his hand and pulled him to the bedroom, drying his wet hair as he sat on the bed in light blue pajama bottoms.

"How are you feeling, Brother?"

"Better..."

"You sure?" Al started softly drying behind his brother's ears.

"Yea, Al.. I'm sure." Suddenly, he was laying down, pulling Al down with him. Their forheads touched and they just stared at eachother for a long moment.

"Do you remember when we were little? It was Winry's birthday, and we really wanted to get her a present." He smiled, still holding Al's waste.

"So we tried to transmute a doll.. but it scared her, and she ran to Pinako..." Al finished for him, their noses touching.

"Mom had laughed about it... and assured her it was okay."

"So Winry kept the doll..."

They stayed silent for a long while, until Al spoke up again. "Ed..."

"Yea?"

"I want you to know... that no matter what happens from here, I'll be here to protect you..." His misty auburn eyes met with his brother's golden ones. "I won't let you fall... I know this sounds cheesey, but i mean it anyway. I won't let you hurt yourself, and i won't let anyone hurt you..."

Al was crying alittle bit by the time he finished his sentance. His voice kept cracking. Ed just smiled painfully and pulled him closer, his head on Al's neck. "I know, Al..." was all he said, and they held onto eachother.

Roy stood outside, listening. He had comeback for his coat, but decided to leave it in the room.

Yea, he could go without it...

* * *

**Alrighty! :D**

**So that was chapter... uhm... 5? no wait... 4... 4! chapter 4! yay! again, thanks curse! (giggles madly)**


	5. The truth

**WARNING!: read with british accent, less you be severely displeased :D**

**

* * *

**Ed stared. His brother was still asleep, beside him. He didn't really remember what had happened last night, but he knew something did. The way Al clung to him, even in sleep, had him worried. What had been so terrible...

He shook the thought away and stood to walk to the bathroom. Cold water on his face felt wonderful, and he looked up to the mirror with tired, blank eyes. He could see the large shadows forming under each one, and the paleness of his skin was disatisfying... Perhaps he should get more sleep? Maybe it would help his case if he didn't look like a zombie.

As much as he didn't want to be here... as much as he didn't want to be alive at all, he still didn't want to end up in a hospitol. He wanted to leave, to run where it was safe. But Al was keeping him here. Al was holding him prisoner in what was once his home.

He stared at the mirror, gripping the cabinet with white knuckles. After a moment, staring turned to glaring, and his calm smile to a grimace.

It was Al's fault he was here. It was Al's fault he wasn't dead and resting. It was all Al's fault the man followed him every day, whispering awful things in his ears. Everything was Al's fault. Al had made his life a mess. He could've died, and ended the pain... the voices... the constant reminder of what he had done in his dreams. If Al wasn't here...

Yes. If Al wasn't here, things would be different. Things could be better... If only Al wasn't... here...

But as much as he hated his brother for keeping him alive, he loved him with everything he had. He had spent his entire life working for Al to be happy...

"Ed..."

He turned to the door to find Al standing there sleepily. He looked at his brother questioningly, but Ed just waved it off. He couldn't kill that innocent face. It would leave an ache in his heart, bigger than the ones that had taken residence already.

"Sorry... I'm going downstairs for someting to eat..."

* * *

He wasn't that hungry... he was just tired. Ed sat on the couch, staring at the wall. How long would they keep him here, he wondered. How long before they finally gave up and let him rest. Living... With this pain. It was torture, though they did not see. He wanted nothing more than to give in to the voice that told him to let go, and do just that. He wanted nothing more than to let go...

But with them watching... with them watching him every day... every hour. They never let him be for long. It wasn't as if they were concerned, those bastards... No they were, but Ed resented it...

Why couldn't he leave? Even if it was in death, They had gotten over it once before, so why was this any harder? ..He really needed to stop thinking so hard. It wasn't as if it was impossible for him to get away with it. A mere bite of his tongue, and there you go...

But... Ed didn't know if he even had it in him. To take a life... awful... to take his own... Was it just as horrid? He had read somewhere... that only sinners waste the greastest gift they'd been given, and for those sins, they'd been thrust into nothingness or endless and incomparable torture. Would Ed end up in nothingness? Mu sounded wonderful. Because in nothingness, there truely was no pain. No desires, no fears, no goals or crushed dreams. There were no dissapointments or worries. There wasn't even love. But with nothingness... with that sating peace... what did one have to pay?

...Was it just life? Was that all one had to offer up to be condemned to Mu?

The brooded questions were interupted as Al's weight had the couch shifting. He looked over at his brother, who was fixated on his cereal. Al would go someplace better when he died. The same place their mom went when she died. Al wouldn't get nothingness or pain... Was Ed just trying to reassure himself that leaving Al wouldn't leave him broken and irreparable? Maybe... But the damage done to Ed himself HAD been nothing less than irreparable... So he had to leave, no matter the cost. If the cost was his brother's sanity... then...

So be it.

He turned to watch his younger brother drip milk into the emptying bowl. One, if not both of them, would die tonight. In this very place they called home. If He tried to stop Ed... Then He too... would be killed.

"Hey, Al?"

The younger boy looked up at curious golden eyes. "Yea?"

"Where do you go when you die?"

Al sputtered, and chocked on a bit of his cereal.

"I don't know, Ed... Why?"

The blond smiled,. looking back to the wall.

"Just wanting to know what to expect."

* * *

_There were shadows on the walls._

_How they danced,_

_and Clasped to life._

_The urgent binding of their soles,_

_Unto the very thread_

_Of time._

_What was once two_

_had then been four._

_And early waking_

_lead to more._

_How would one sleep,_

_in silent houses_

_When creaking wood_

_should've been heard?_

_This blinding light_

_through binding night_

_had best be quick_

_to cast it's sight._

_When one made two_

_and thus made four_

_and sleepy steps_

_had led to more..._

_The shadows danced,_

_and clasped to life..._

_but whither away_

_through endless strife..._

* * *

Al sat there in his room, listening to clinking metal from the room just beside him. Was his brother still tinkering with shavings of metal? He had been all day.

A flash of alchemic light shown through the crack under Al's door. His eyes widened after a moment and he rushed at the door, first his then Ed's. Both slammed open and hit the walls either behind or beside them, and Al looked into his brother's abode with wide eyes, shaking.

Ed had transmuted the metals. He held a gun to the side of his head, and was crying. His lips were twisted upward in a cruel attempt at a smile, and he seemed to be whispering his thanks to... something.

"Ed!"

The blond flinched, turning to his brother with a sniffle.

"Don't, Al."

"Dont' what? Don't try to stop you? Just let you die-

"Yes..."

Al stared, shaking violently. His body seemed to freeze and his mouth wouldn't form words. All he wanted to say was rushing in a giant Maelstrom through his head.

_'Ed i'm sorry... I shouldn't have let the gate take you. I should've found a way to get you back. I should've left instead. I should've found a way to keep you alive. If you die, i'll die inside... i'd never be whole again... Ed, please. I know it hurts, but i'll do my best to dull the pain. We're in this together, though you might not know. Brother.. I love you so much, you're..._

"...All i have left. You can't leave me... you can't leave me like mom did..." He managed to cry out the last tidbit of thought, and it left Ed's hand shaking.

"Al... I'm sorry... But i can't go on with these whispers. If you knew... what it was like to have him screaming in your head..." A broken sobb escaped unwillingly, but he continued. "If you had a constant image of the torture... every time you slept, you saw his face. If... If you knew exactly what i go through, what i went through..."

"I'm SORRY i wasn't there! I'm sorry i hadn't been able to stop him! You've got to understand! It... It was supposed to be me! I was supposed to be the sacrifice! How fucking dare you give up and leave me! How dare you let the past kill you like this! My brother, the Ed you claim to be...! He wouldn't have just GIVEN UP!" Al half cried, half screamed at Ed, every second the gun got lower, until it hit the floor with a solid clunk. Al went on...

"I Can't ever understand what you went through, i can't possibly immagine what he did...! But WHY THE FUCK SHOULD ANY OF THAT EVEN MATTER! You're HOME! You're back with me! And yet you still cling to pain even when it's left without complaint. The voices are your doing, Ed! The voices, the whispers, every scream is your denial that you've made it home! ...I..."

Al fell to his knees, gripping hard at the wood below him. Ed stared at him, crying. Every word was like a crack in the sheild he had put up to protect himself. And it was breaking apart. Word by word, his whole world was cracking and falling apart...

"...I realize you've been in pain... But when will you let yourself heal?"

Ed sank slowly to the floor, staring wide-eyed at the patterns in the wood.

"Even after all this time, Al... You still always know what to say..."

* * *

**I realize it was pretty short, and that it wasn't quite... erm... good. But i was tired and rushy because SOMEONE wouldn't stop bugging me with emails :] so here you go! I hopwe it was satisfactory.**

**OH! And i take full credit for that awful little poem xD**

**And please**

**just**

**please...**

**Review?**


	6. reflections and perspectives

**Alright, so this isn't really a chapter as much as it's just the two reflecting on what they've dont, what happened, and how tehy feel about what's happening. It's rather short, because my beta isn't here, the Sod. So you're stuck with me and chris to werk this out :\**

**

* * *

**

The silence was unnerving. Not once did either look at the other. They rarely even shifted. Neither was known to fidget... but this was overdoing things... right?

Ed and Al sat on opposite ends of a smooth leather couch. Each had a blanket, and Ed had a book, though he was all but reading. Both of them... both were thinking about what had happened not even a day before. How Ed had held a gun to his face, and how Al's harsh but reassuring words had let the gun fall to the floor, Ed still whole... or atleast, still breathing.

What had once been just a 'speedbump' was now much more for both the brothers. Ed's harsh reaction to almost every situation left Al wondering what to do.

Four years ago, Al had woken up in an abandoned church-like building, having almost no memory of what had happened in the Armour. All he could get were hazed images of Ed's face, and horrible scenes of death. The name 'Nina' floated around in his mind, and for reasons he couldn't understand, it made him sad. He had screamed for help and staggered outside, only to be met with the face of a man with black hair and a single onyx eye. He had been holding his other eye in pain and pressure, most likely to stop the bleeding. He had asked if he himself were Al, and he had responded with a rather confused 'Yes'. The man seemed relieved and asked him about Ed, to which Al responded with a harsh intake of breath, and a rasped cry for his brother.

They hadn't found a trace of his body, just small amounts of his blood. The fact that Al couldn't remember led him to believe Ed was still out there... still alive.

So Al searched for his brother, refusing to believe that he had died. Al refused to even let the thought taint his mind.

And for four long years, he studied nothing but alchemy... human transmutation... anything that would help get his brother back. A few nights before Ed had awoken, He had perfected the circle. He need a few nights to get ready, and before he knew it, he was back in lab 5, surrounded by the remnants of red water that had soaked through the floors. He had drawn his transmutation circle in minutes, and took a deep breath, and pressed his hands against the edges of what was sure to bring his brother back.

* * *

Ed stared at the pages of the book. He didn't even know the title, he just continually stared at the word 'Undo' for several moments. The situation confused him... alot. Four years ago, he had woken up in a camp of some sort, one he now understood to be a concentration camp. He had no idea how he had gotten there, and his last memory of Amestris was Al's human face.

The things he saw in that place... the screams he heard... He could smell the roasting bodies fromt the night before mixxed with the gas they used to suffocate these people.

So soon after he had arrived, he was thought to be a Nazi. He had a german accent, but knew nothing of what they said. They surmized he wasn't jewish, but not a pure german man either. Because of this, he was chosen for experiments. It was just some luck the Marcoh twin took interest in his automail. 'Such strange workings' He had said. But Ed have barely even heard, he was too busy screaming to make out anything they had said. The muck they had injected into his human arm was like acid... he had no idea what it was supposed to do to him, but he knew it couldn't have been good. It came day after day, and it burned so much...

For four years, he had undergone experiments. For Three of tehm he held onto the hope that Al would come for him.

But Al never came for him... He had elft him alone and wasn't going to save him...

For teh first time that night, Ed looked over at his brother's face. Al looked sad. He looked stricken with some unknown greif that Ed couldn't quite place. This was the face that he had thought about every waking hour. While he screamed, he remembered his brother. While he slept, he only ever dreamt of Al, and Amestris.

He had only ever wanted for his brother to save him, to stop the pain.

* * *

Al remembered clearly what it had been like. The blinding light, the horrible screams of something within the circle. A few moments of sightless fear and he had looked back to see his brother laying Naked in teh center of his work.

His brother had been thin. The ribs were poking out in what looked to be painfully up against his skin. His automail was crooked and damaged. His skin was pale and thin, Al coudl clearly see the veins that lay beneath it. His hair was still golden, but dirty and limp. It looked as if he hadn't bathed in awhile. There were sahdows under his eyes that Al didn't remember being there.

Al had rushed forward when he saw his brother. He had droppped to the ground and help onto him like he was everything. His face. His smell. His touch. Al remembered everything about Ed. From the smooth sound of his voice, and the promising words he spoke, to the almost daily rants about his heaight. His blunt refusal of anything milky, his way of knowing exactly what would happen...

It had taken a while, but Al contacted Mustang, and they kept him in the abandoned hosptiol. It was a little dreary for Al's taste, but it was the best they could do without raising questions. He finally had his brother back. It had made him so happy...

* * *

Ed had made it out of the Lab. He was running to her house. To the girl who looked like Winry. It had only been alittle over 3 blocks more. But a blinding light had enveloped him, and the next thing he knew, he was strapped to the bed in that awful hospitol.

These proceeding days had been horrid. The fact that Ed wouldn't eat...

The fact that Al wouldn't allow him to leave...

Why wouldn't he eat?

How come he wasn't allowed outside?

Does he not trust me...?

Both boys doubted whether the other actually trusted them. The days had been stressful and it was nein but the will to carry on that kept them going. Atlest, in Al's case.

For Ed it had been torment. When he first awoke, he had kept thinking, asking himself; Was this hell?

Of course it was. It was Hell in every way. To have his brother again, but to wish for death so feircely it had become a throbbing ache in the back of his mind... This was Hell in it's darkest for the eldest.

For the younger of the two, it had become stress incarnate. Al wanted nothing more than for it to be like it was before the transmutation. Before they had tried to bring back their mom. Before the military had interfered. Before Ed had so needlessly sacrificed himself. Al couldn't see a way to fix the situation, and Ed was starting to seriously scare him.

Maybe Mustang was right... Maybe Al should put Ed in a hospitol.

Ed knew his brother didn't believe him about the Man. He knew Al was probably laughing at him or thought he was insane.

But Ed wasn't insane...

He wasn't...

...

...Right?

The thought had him turning to his brother once again, and their gazes met. Not a word was said, the two simply stared at eachother for a long moment.

This would all end soon.

one way...

Or another...


	7. Admitted

**Okay, okay. So it's really fucking short... BUT~! It's because ppl kept messaging me all 'WAH! POST TEH NEWT CHAPPY! WAH!" So i is, and you best be vairy happeh :D**

_Ed..._

Ed looked up, expecting Al to be there, but the doorway was empty. His eyes widened.

_Edward..._

... "Al says you're not real. P-please... just go away..." He wasted no time in hiding his face in his knees, trying not to listen to the ghost-like footsteps that came closer with each breath.

_I am real, Edward. I was real on the other side, and I'm real now..._

"You're lying!" Ed started to shake. This voice was confusing. Al said it was just his imagination, so... was he wrong?

_Of course I'm not lying, Ed. I'm what you brought back with you. I'm the price of you're return..._

"NO!" Ed screamed and through the first thing he could grab at the figure. The lamp crashed into the door and shattered, muffling the cries from within the room for only seconds.

_kukukuku..._

It was laughing at him! He huddled inward and rocked back and forth.

"Not real, not real, not real, not real," He chanted to himself.

_Your brother is wrong ... he can't know. I'm very real, Ed. I'm right here._

The bone-chilling laughter accompanying the voice sent shivers down his spine. "No your not!" Ed clenched his eyes tighter.

_But I am. Come back with me Edward_

"No! Never! I can't!"

_I'll help you. It'll all go away, you know what to do..._

Ed stopped rocking, shaking as he lifted his head to stare at the man through his tears.

"...I know what to do..."

* * *

Al went into his room and layed down to go to bed at around 10:30, too tired for the rest of the night. What was happening with his brother was exhausting. He was getting worse... so much worse, and it scared him. A lot.

He sighed, lying down in his bed. He just didn't know what to do anymore. Maybe he was being selfish, keeping Ed here when he was obviously hurting. But even when Ed hurt so much... it still wasn't okay to let him kill himself...

Al sighed, he need a break. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could handle.

He heard the clock downstairs chime, and groaned. It was midnight, and he was wide awake. He could hear the familiar pacing of Ed in his room, mumbling to himself. It happened everynight, more frequently now than ever. The steady sounds of his mis-matched feet began to lull him into a sleep-like state, but they abruptly stopped, snapping him back to reality.

Al contemplated being worried for a second, but then the sounds of Ed walking the familiar path to the bathroom had him sighing in relief. He was too jumpy these days. He heard the creak of the medicine chest opening. That had him frightened, there were so many things in there Ed shouldn't be taking. He pulled himself out of his warm cocoon of blankets and hurried down the hall. Light spilled out from under the bathroom door. He gently creaked open the door, waiting in anxious anticipation at what he would see.

Though he was somewhat relieved Ed wasn't choking down pills or lying bloody on the floor, he was equally horrified by what he _was _doing. Rust scissors in hand, he was hacking away at his beautiful golden locks.

"Ed, what are you doing? Stop!" He turned his aurum eyes to his brother, hands frozen halfway in the air, poised to cut more of the blond mane away.

"I have to Al," he said softly. "It'll be in the way later when-" he stopped abruptly, turning back towards the mirror.

"What were you going to say Ed? Later when you what?" Alphonse couldn't help his voice rising in panic.

Ed just continued, cutting up to mid-neck. It was messy and hung randomly in his eyes, spiking up in the back with how short he cut it. Al grabbed the scissors and turned his brother toward him. Ed just stared at the basin, cut hair washing down the drain.

"Tell me, Ed!" He shook his brother's shoulders, Making Ed shrink back.

"I can't, Al..." He mumbled. "He told me not to... he..." Ed looked up, his eyes frantic.

"Is this about the man? ...Ed... I told you he wasn't real."

...

"He is real..."

* * *

They signed the papers, And turned to leave.

"AL! You can't do this! I'll be good! Please, don't leave me here! PLEASE!"

Al looked down, trying to hold back tears. He didn't watch as they hauled his brother away in a straight jacket. He didn't watch as his brother frantically tried to get away, reaching toward Al, begging with tear filled eyes for him not to leave. Al was as afraid as Ed, though he tried his damnedest not to show it.

Roy put a hand on Al's shoulders.

"It's the right thing to do..."

Al choked on a cry.

"Is it?"

**I TOLD you it was short . Did you believe me? nuuuu~!**

**Sorry about the extreme shortness, but w/e**

**It's worth it with next chappy...**

**I guess you could call this one a filler?**


	8. I've never liked Hospitals

_**OMFG IS SHE REALLY UPDATING THIS?**_

**I feel I owe you guys. This was my first real story, and you stuck with me through it all, even when it sucked. I'm sorry about not updating it in forever, and to be honest...**

**I can't just leave it like this. The ending was going to be amazing, I had every bit of it planned, but then things happened, and i had to switch accounts. If you're interested, my other is Enter the Harlequin.**

**I'm not going to go into it, but i'll atleast write out the last two scenes.**

**One is from the last chapter. It's what i was going to end it with until i decided i wanted a prologue.**

**The other is from THE PROLOGUE! It's of Al, his reaction to everything, and some other details. I really hope you enjoy, and if you dont, i can't blame you.**

**Thanks for everything, guys.**

**-The last note from Genocide**

* * *

******From the Chapter:  
And the Conclusions Occur:**

Al drove slowly, thoughtfully, toward the clinic. He was going to visit his brother today, it was the first time in a while he had had some time to do so. Work had been hectic, there had been a series of murders throughout Central, and no one could figure them out.

As he pulled into the parking lot, he couldn't help the shivver that carressed his spine. There was a sense of forboding that clung to the air like dirtied water. Al pushed his hand through his Sandy hair and sighed. What was wrong with him today?

Shoving his keys into his pocket, he pushed open the doors and went straight to the front desk, smiling kindly to the young intern working there. She flipped her hair and returned teh gesture.

"Hey, Al... Here to see Ed?"

Al grinned and nodded. "Yea, I am."

The intern nodded curtly and typed something into the computers. "Alright, it says you can visit him. Go on up, Alphonse." She smiled sadly, having seen his brother and how close the two were. It was horrible, how lost Ed was. He only spoke to Al, and even then it was in incoherent mumbles and whispers. He'd only said two things that anyone could actually understand since they had put him here. 'I'm sorry' and 'Soon'. No one had any clue what he meant by the latter, and chose to shake it off.

Al walked up the stairs, to the second floor, past the glass rooms and men in sterile white. He kept walking, searching for room 24, reading the numbers he passed almost methodically.

"18...19...20...21...22...23... AH!" Al smiled happily, and somewhat nervously, as he reached for the cold silver handle on the door. He waited for the red light above the handle to turn green, and as he did, he noticed a faint smear of what looked to be red food coloring marring the glass in the small window in the door. Curious as to why his brother would have such a thing, he almost squealed with delight as the light finally turned green.

He hummed as he opened the door, calling out just before his eyes opened.

"Oh my Gosh! Ed, I'm sorry I haven't bee-

What would've been said died on his tongue as he paled. His eyes widened in an almost painful contraction and he lurched, hand coming up to cover his mouth even before he could register it. Al fell to his knees as the tears stung his eyes.

"Oh God." Was whimpered through shaking hands.

Red.

Red.

Red.

Smears and stains and puddles of red red red. A streak across the floor where something had been dragged. Random splatters and splotches and spots of red red red led up to what Al could only assume was his brother. Twisted and bent into something unrecognizable...

But no.

He could tell.

The strands of bloodied golden hair strewn across the face that was looking directly at his.

Toward him.

It looked so... How do you describe this?

Al lost his iffy balance and held himself up by his hands as he vomited, his stomach clenching painfully, the acidic taste on his tongue traveling up until he could feel it burn his nose and throat. It pooled around him and he offhandedly realized that he was kneeling in what had to be a gallon of his brother and he _stumbled_, if possible.

And he _slipped_.

With a sick, desperate cry, he landed in the mess and slid forward only inches. His eyes scrunched up as his jaw hit the floor, and opening them, he screamed and struggled back.

Ed's eyes... Filled with so much pain but... they were so dead. As open as they could be, they stared into Al, the guilt and blame in those now icy depths sending Al over and he felt darkness at the edges of his consciousness, before it joined his vision.

And with a final desperate realization, Al ceased to be conscious, and landed in a giant murky puddle of red red red, on his brother.

**Okay, eh... I'll upload the prologue later xD**

**I AM really sorry guys. Alot has been hapening in my life lately and I don't have quite enough time for stories. But as I said... This was my first and I WILL finish it (:**

**look forward to the prologue eventually xD i have it sorted and planned out, but again, not all of it will be given for i am... A BASTARD!**


End file.
